The US Women’s team says they’ll all quit “On the spot” if the Olympic Committee allows Lia Thomas to try out.

“We don’t need a ringer,” said Team Captain Josephine Barron, “We’re 100 percent real female champions.”

Thank you, ladies, for standing up for your rights.

We’re currently verifying the source of the information and hope to be able to publish her name soon. We can tell you that the actions taken by the US Women’s Team is supported by Riley Gaines.

“We have the right to come in fifth without having to share it with a man,” Riley said for the 874,972nd time, “Lia Thomas shattered my dreams. Now I’m so upset about it that I no longer want to be a dentist. I’m spending the rest of my life getting chased off of college campuses and showing up at CPAC with other heroes like Kyle Rittenhouse and Gina Carano. And that guy who played Hercules.”